Chapter 1: Bats on the Wall
Chapter Text
Rutledge cheered down to them, “Because the floor is!”
The trio of heroes looked over the room and not floor and answered the hosts question declaration at varying levels of enthusiasm. Dick practically bounced as he yelled out in glee, “LAVA!”
While Jason looked over the room and stated, “Lava.” In a complete deadpan as he surveyed the room and the different paths they could take. There seemed to be two paths to start and they should split at least somewhat at this point.
Tim, who looked like he deeply regretted both not just letting Dick reveal his blackmail to everyone, and not buying a new coffee machine no matter how much he missed his well-seasoned pot that made things even stronger from the residue of old pots, he missed Ambrosia, she made such wonderfully coffee that once had Bart going so fast, he actually vibrated through a couch, sighed out, “Lava.”
Jason and Tim shared a tired look as Dick grinned at the lava as it shot up throughout the room.
Jason turned towards the wall of picture frames with bugs inside them, “I should head this way as there’s no way tiny Tim is making it past those Toi Moko.”
Dick blinked, “The what?”
Jason rolled his eyes, “The Easter Island Heads.”
“Oh, yeah that’s a bit tall for Tim.”
Tim glared at both of them, “Well those of us who aren’t giants will just have to take a path that we won’t have to worry about breaking any of the props on.”
“Guys,” Dick pulled both brothers into side hugs, “Come on, lets go!” Letting go of the other two Dick flipped and landed on the first crate. Nearly slipping off the small crate he had to flip onto the larger crate where he ended up flat on his back, “Ow.”
Jason laughing turned to the small crate in preparation to climb onto the wall of bugs, “This looks movable,” Jason picked up the painting, “Got some heft to it, think we could use it?”
Tim frowned at it, “It’s a picture of a bridge, and this room isn’t designed by Nigma so we can probably use it as a bridge.”
Jason grinned, “Sounds like something you're going to need short stack.”
Tim glared at him, “Just put it down and I’ll start heading towards Dick, without ending up looking like a turtle.”
Dick smiled at the two getting along, even at his expense before grimacing at the feel of the ‘lava’ dripping down his back from where his hair had picked up some of the water on the crate, “Well pass it this way then.”
Jason easily picked up the painting, but made sure to make it look like his muscles were straining as he held one side of the painting and Dick kneeled on the other side on top of the crate, “Climb on baby bird.”
Tim rolled his eyes but did climb onto the board Jason was holding up flat with Dick kneeling on the other side so he could easily crawl over before turning a glare on Jason, “Move it or I’ll start to think you're scared of bugs.”
Jason raised an eyebrow as he looked over at the wall and back to Tim, “Do you really think I’m scared of bugs after living on the streets of Gotham?”
Tim shrugged as he helped Dick turn the painting to be a bridge to the next crate, “Okay maybe you haven’t left because you're scared of the lava.”
Dick grunted as they moved the painting, “Okay this is heavier than it looks.”
Jason rolled his eyes as he stepped onto the small crate to grab onto the finger hold track, “I’m going, I’m going. Glad I didn’t wear the shoes the idiot wanted me to. These ledges are tiny and my toes would not have been able to keep a hold on this toe rack.”
Tim didn’t look over as he held the bridge steady for Dick to get to the next crate. He was not going to be the reason any of them failed, “Your toes too fat?”
“I’m not the ballerina of the family, now make sure Dick doesn’t go on the doom pyramid.”
Tim looked at the pyramid and then at Dick who was eyeing it down, “Doom pyramid?”
“Just look at it, there’s no grip. Even the pretzel is not making it back off that thing.”
Dick pouted, “I could.”
“You get on that and fall, we will all mock you forever.”
“I can balance on the to-”
Tim snorted as he started over the bridge catching Dick’s eye, “We will all mock you forever if, and when you fall off that thing.” Tim sided eyed him, “It would take someone of immense balance and almost superhuman talents to balance on that.”
Getting the hint, Dick pouted, but took it as it was meant and started looking along the path to the other crates, “Alright then we’ll head towards the elephant. I’m going to call her Zitka.”
Jason rolled his eyes as he grabbed the rope that was between the two sets of insect climbing walls, “Every time we go anywhere and you see an elephant you call it Zitka.”
“Zitka is an awesome name.” Hearing a splash Dick turned towards Jason where he would now see one of the sarcophaguses had opened, “Oh cool the sarcophagus opened!”
Jason snorted as he continued along the wall, “Yeah and revealed an alien mummy in it that just looks creepy… wait these aren’t insects.” Jason stopped to glare at the case containing a pair of bats.
Tim looked over from where he was watching Dick scamper over the elephants’ ears to the opposite side, “What are they then? Your head’s so big we can’t see anything.”
Jason went a little to the side so the other two could see the shadow box, “They got two bats up here!”
Dick gasped, “Bats? How dare they hurt poor little bats!”
Tim nodded, “As a Gothamite I find such a thing deeply wrong.”
“Oh shut up both of you,” Jason continued along the wall grateful for all his years of clinging onto things, as he faked a missed grip, as it allowed him to succeed well enough that he could fake not being as capable as he was. If Dick hadn’t seen the invite for this show he would have turned it down as it was too potentially identity revealing to have out on the internet forever, “It’s probably rubber.”
Dick decided to do a handstand on top of the elephant crates because he could and if he did bite it here, he could definitely catch himself before he hit the water, “Violence against plastic bats is sad too. Just think we could be dropping them on Bruce.”
Jason pivoted, careful to wobble as he got his foot down on the sarcophagus with the alien mummy in it, “On Bruce?”
Dick nodded, folding himself over so he’d slide down one ear to the spot on the crate opposite where Tim was, “He used to be terrified of them. Now let’s recap. Where is everyone and how do you feel?”
Chapter 2: Escaping and Coffee Pots
Chapter Text
Tim shrugged, “Doing pretty good, just need you to keep going so I can follow as I’m not getting on the doom pyramid.”
“Huh,” Jason looked to the giant head, “Fine, this just is not looking like a good transfer point.”
“What doesn’t?”
“The sarcophagus to the Toi Moko, just a weird angle between the two. I’ve got it, but the angle is odd.”
“You can do it little brother!” Dick’s grin was in his voice as he pulled the staff from the wall, “Ooooh a staff.”
Jason easily made the transfer, “You do remember that I’m like a foot taller than you?”
“You’re not that much taller than me, now Tim do you think you can get on Zitka’s nose? Then I can pass you the staff and you can knock down the obelisk. How are you doing J?”
“Eh, hand holds look a little weird, but I’m going to climb on this guy's nose.”
Tim snorted, accepting the rod from Dick, “Hopefully he doesn’t sneeze. Or suffocate from you standing on him.”
Jason rolled his eyes as he fit his fingers into the top ridges, “He’s fake stone, it’s not going to be a problem. Although,” Jason looked down at the next head, “This is probably going to be unpleasant. Trying to get to the next one.”
Tim accepted the staff and carefully hit the obelisk with the staff making sure to look like he almost hit it, but trying to do the fake recovery his left foot did start to slip and fell back so he was laying down the length of ‘Zitka’s’ nose. When people congratulated him later for pulling that fake out he was going to accept the congratulations and never admit he actually slipped. Hopefully Cass wouldn’t call him out on it.
As the obelisk fell over Dick turned worried eyes on Jason, “Why do you say that?”
“I’m going to either ram my chin or something else more painful into its nose depending on how I land.”
Tim handed the staff off to Dick, “Hold this just in case, and Jason just land on your feet or something.”
Jason eyed the jump, “Yeah, I do that I’m slipping right off. This is not the position to do a standing jump from,” Jason got one of his feet into the ear of the statue before taking a breath, “Alright here I go.”
Dick and Tim both watched as Jason launched all his considerable weight onto the slippery statue as he groaned.
Dick frowned, “Jason?”
“I am going to have a really weird bruise and ow.” Jason carefully stood on the slippery head before jumping onto a small crate next to a golden box, right underneath a gear that was hanging from the ceiling, pinwheeling his arms as if to balance, before settling in a position to easily grab the gear, “Alright get over to the box so I can crank this box or something to help you get out.”
Tim easily hopped into the cart as Dick followed in his tracks to make it to the obelisk, “Huh,” Tim looked down at the floor of the crate, “There's a hole in here. Hand me the staff.”
Dick handed it over and after inserting in a golden light lit up the golden box and Tim was able to slide the lid slightly towards the exit, “Huh, that helps a good deal.”
“Looks like it,” Jason grabbed the gear and started to turn it, stopping when it became obvious that it moved the ropes that were holding several crates together, “Well jump on and I’ll move you over, you still have both steps so it should be pretty easy to get across.”
Tim nodded, jumped up to grab onto the crates and as Jason ran the gear took a few hand holds differently in order to get positioned best and once Jason got him as far as he could Tim swung all the way into the safe zone, lava shooting up as he landed.
Dick giggled, “It wanted to say bye!”
Jason immediately started cracking the crates back, “Or pout cause it didn’t get to eat Timbit.”
Dick jumped up to the arch and before the crates where even all the way back jumped, grabbed the crates, and swung across to safety, only to actually slip in some of the lava that had made it onto the landing and landing on his ass.
Jason snorted, still cranking the crates back to him, “Well show off how’d that landing feel.”
Dick titled his head backwards, looking at Jason, “I’ve landed worse, now come on baby brother head over.”
Tim rolled his eyes grabbing the crank on his side to help, “You expected anything less? Now grab on and get your giant ass over here.”
Letting go of the crank Jason rolled his shoulders and stepped onto the ark and watched the crates get closer, “You going to crank me over tiny Tim?”
“For that I should let you hang in the middle until you fall into the lava.”
“Tim,” Dick pouted up at him, “But then we wouldn’t have a perfect run!”
Tim rolled his eyes as Jason jumped and grabbed on to the ropes and started to crank the ropes towards the exit, “I wouldn’t really leave him stranded,” Tim paused, “Probably.”
Jason snorted as he resisted the urge to do pull ups as he waited for the jump to be more doable for most people, “You get your big ass out of the way.”
Dick rolled to the side and up into a standing position, “Need a hand Jay?”
Jason snorted before easily slid into the final area and as the announcer cried their success he grinned at his brothers, “Piece of cake, and I didn’t fall on my ass.”
Tim rolled his eyes, “Well, we will just have to see what happens with the other teams, we could still lose.”
Jason shrugged, “At least none of us bit it. So nobody will be able to mock us for anything, and you just know that is what everyone back home was hoping for.”
Dick grinned, “Let’s go find out who won! I hope we get the lava lamp to share.”
Tim and Jason exchanged looks before Jason chuckled, “Nah you’ll get the lamp, my non-profit will get the money it needs to buy enough new blankets for all the homeless centers, and have some more to hand out for people who aren’t willing to come to the shelters, and Tim will get his coffee maker back.”
Tim glared at Jason, “You’re the one who stole Ambrosia?”
“No, but I saw Dick sneaking off with it, didn’t bother watching where he hid it. Wait, is your coffee maker named Ambrosia?”
“That is what she gives so it was fitting.”
Dick rolled his eyes, “It’s in the front door closet of your apartment. If you ever bothered to wear a coat, like you should, you’d have found it already.”
Tim glared at him, “I’m going to burn all my coats for you pulling that.”
“Hey!” Jason glared down at Tim, “Donate those! If you want to get rid of them to spite Dick, at least give them to someone else who can use them.”
“Fine, I’m going to donate all of them.”
Dick frowned, “If you donate all your coats, I will find one and bat tape you into it.”
Jason rolled his eyes, “Come on, let’s go find out if Dick gets another tacky item for his room.” With that they headed into the waiting area as they waited for the winners to be announced and Dick was ecstatic when it turned out he got to go home with his brand-new lava lamp.